by This week my eleven year old son, Aden, and I embark on our annual boy’s road trip around the Northwest. This event is not to be confused with “boy’s weekend”. Certainly, there will be much beer consumed, but most of it will be “root”. For the past several years, my son and I have taken a summer road trip exploring the little nooks and crannies around the area. We have both been introduced to some new places and some new faces. Our trip was originally designed by me as an effort to spend a little time with my son doing something we both enjoy. These occasions seem increasingly rare around home as the distractions of life and other unnamed members of the family demand other things from us. Traveling with just the two of us eliminates a lot of debates about how and what we should be doing. We can just “do”, as guys will.
Being on the road is unlike other traveling. It allows for a slower pace and some genuinely peaceful enjoyment of the scenery. The inherent stress-factor of other forms of travel is not there. No airports or customs or even traffic, if we plan it right…and we do! We drive the back roads and sleepy hamlets littering the wonderful three states in the great Northwest corner. We do it with the windows down and shirts off, eating chips and drinking soda. We are unwashed, decadent hobos and enjoy it all.
I have been a road-tripper since way back. I have seen most of the continent through windshields. I’ve met countless fascinating people in my travels; People one does not meet at Senor Frogs in Cancun. People that have changed the way I think and the way I am. These adventures have shaped me in ways that are difficult to explain or quantify. Little ideas or insights here and there flow freely on a road trip. My mind and spirit are alive and the soil is fertile for my best thoughts. Unburdened by other obligations, road trips allow for true free-thinking. These thoughts are the cornerstones of any good ideas I have ever had. They are my most important thoughts. Having the opportunity to explore the dusty two-laners of my soul with my son riding shotgun is priceless and it is wonderful to know that years from now we will share these as some of the best moments of our lives. We share an armrest as our lives unfold through the bug splattered windshield. We live it together. I recognize this as precious. That’s why I started it. My son does not. He recognizes this as fun. One day he will understand and be grateful. This was not and is not my goal, but I will be happy when the light bulb clicks on and he understands how significant our fleeting time was.
So as I load the rig and stock the cooler, I look forward the adventure and the freedom that awaits us. We will stop and swim when we get hot. We will eat when we are hungry. We will see sights previously unseen. And we will talk. We will talk about important things. We will share pieces of ourselves. We will get to know each other better. We will be what a dad and son should be, but often aren’t. We will be pals with a flexible plan and the authority to change it whenever we want. We will be the co-owners of an experience that counts and I cannot think of a better way to spend a week of my life.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
In the past few months, several of my buddies have become Dads. They have either joined or re-upped their memberships into the brotherhood of fathers. Though, I have, in each case, been very happy for their inclusion into this non-exclusive club, I have also been very happy that it was them and not ME!! Babies are hard work with little return. They are cute and smell pretty good, except when they don’t and it is neat to see them make their little progressions into actual human beings. But, they are also very inconvenient. They operate on THEIR time, not ours. When they are hungry or tired or bothered by some other unknown problem, we must jump. We jump to stop that sound. That shrill, spine piercing sound that they emit. If this sound could be bottled and marketed it would be a “million dollar idea”. It would make even the laziest man quite productive. Efforts to stop this sound are delivered with an urgency and efficiency rarely seen or affected by regular folks. This sound, either the prevention of or elimination of is a true motivator. We will stop whatever we are doing and ACT!! Few things on this earth can inspire motion like this sound. Just the thought of it makes me want to stop it NOW and I can’t even hear it!!
However, as our babies grow, new issues arise. The mouth that delivers “the sound” begins to learn words. These words grow into complaints, demands and whiny pleas for unnecessary and impossible desires. There is probably no sanctuary for a Dad to hide from his children’s voices, except perhaps the grave. I say “perhaps”, because I am not sure that my kids’ persistent questioning and “suggestions” on how best to do things won’t follow me there, too. I am anticipating an eternity spent hearing my son’s “recommendations” and very helpful insights into what I am doing wrong. I signed up for it and I will accept it as gracefully as I can, which is sometimes pretty ungraceful and it is only by the slimmest of margins that my school-age kids avoid “shaken-baby” syndrome.
As a Dad, I struggle to maintain even the illusion of a low form of intelligence. My kids often think I am an idiot. Sometimes I am, sometimes not. They don’t know the difference and this creates awkward moments. When I try to explain, as a dutiful Dad, the pitfalls of a plan they have devised which I can tell will result in breakage of either bones or something I own, they look at me with concern and pity. They don’t understand that I tried that plan and broke something. I have a perspective that they do not and though I have never been a quick study, some things make an impression that even a moron can’t ignore. But, we all have to learn in our own way. I have never listened to anyone else in my life and suffered the consequences. My wife and mom will happily verify this. It seems that the fruits don’t fall far from the tree. So, I do what I can do and sleep well after the emergency room visit.
I have, in speaking to my prospective “Dad” buddies, described my kids as the best pains in the butt I will ever have. Parenthood is always frustrating and painful. It is also, always, great. Caring for something more than ourselves, is liberating in ways unknown to non-parents. We will move burning buildings and the earth itself to protect our kids. We will compromise things previously thought uncompromisable and sacrifice the most sacred of our parts of our souls to make our kids happy or at least good people. This is not easy, but it is worth it. The results being the subtle, yet rare, looks of reverence and awe; the understanding that Dad does know something and is more. These are not our goals, merely byproducts of our very aware efforts that what we do as parents matters. It is a challenge to consistently maintain good parenting, but we do the best we can, because it is right and important and maybe… just maybe… it will STOP THAT FRIGGIN’ SOUND!!!
Welcome or welcome back to the club!! Buzz, SnolohaRod, NeighborNick and DTKII!!
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
Well, it’s family reunionish time. This weekend I have some cousins coming to town from California that I haven’t seen in a while and we are collecting some of the various local relatives that I also haven’t seen in a while. It seems like distance is not the only barrier preventing us coming together more often. I suppose LIFE is the most significant obstacle. We have different lives and stuff happening that gets in the way. Nonetheless, I am looking forward to seeing everyone.
Throughout the weekend, we will tell stories and though, we all shared our history growing up, we all have different versions, seen from different perspectives. This creates interesting conversations. Stories of my life that begin with, “Remember that time Ty kicked Corky’s ass…” are never my favorites as, I’m “Corky”. My first thought is always, “Which one?” I was beaten pretty consistently by my older cousin. We fought regularly. By fighting, I mean, he would provoke me into an opportunity for him to pummel me. I would usually swing first and he would swing last, usually as I was running as fast as I could which, as it turned out, was never quite fast enough. We both incurred our Grandma’s wrath when she had to break us up. The smacks those thin, bony hands delivered to us still resonate today. I will, very reluctantly, smile at these old tales, but there is little reluctance in Ty’s smile. We shared an experience, but experienced it differently. This is true for most of our stories.
I reserve my greatest laughs for stories of THEIR jack-ass moves. There are PLENTY of those. From hypothermia to bike wrecks to tree-tipping to more of Grandma’s slaps, my cousins have provided lots of stories. I will enjoy reliving them and sharing the knowing smiles of “grown-ups” who KNOW how it was. Cousins enjoy a unique relationship. Being outside of the immediate family, but still close enough to know what goes on in it provides insights into “how it really was.” This creates a bond that is unmatchable. We know when each other’s parents were horrible and their best. We know the flaws, struggles and fears. We can truly empathize and sympathize. We lived it, too. We were THERE. We shared holidays and spankings. We shared tears of joy and tears of pain; all the beauty and ugly of our lives. Our lives are intertwined like grapevines. Their memories are mine. We will now share survivor’s tales and it will be great and important. Knowing that other people understand and love regardless is pretty wonderful.
So, this weekend we will tell the stories of our lives and when the humiliating tale regarding some unintentional nudity comes up, I will laugh, whether it was my nudity or not. My cousins are not unlike my old friends in that they tend to remember and seem to very much enjoy reliving the events that I try to forget. From buck teeth to the various red-faced and sometimes red-butted shenanigans I found myself in as a kid, they seem to remember it all…unfortunately for me…but, also for them. I remember things, too. Oh, yes, I remember, alright. The old noodle has been dusted off and long dormant stories of their boners will be hauled out of the basement. I remember lots.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
Last weekend, I helped “celebrate” my buddy Dan’s 40th birthday by participating in a “boy’s weekend” event in Eastern Washington. I had been looking forward to this long weekend since last year’s party. I very much enjoy the excessive eating, drinking and swearing. In a life consisting of rather spotty occasions for all three, a little gluttony now and then is welcome. Not everyday, but once in a great while a solid bender is necessary for me. I believe that most, if not all, males need, on some level, a boy’s weekend now and then. We carry with us, deep in our filthy gene pool, desires for too much beer and too much bacon. Unburdened by the potential stink-eyes of our wives or the pleas of our kids to “play” something, we will indulge like starving men at the Royal Fork. Indulge we did.
We arrived Thursday night with a giddy, yet manly, enthusiasm. We played cards and drank beer. At some point during the various smack-talking between the fellas, a bet was made.
We were golfing on Friday. I am an average to way-below average golfer. My buddy, Shane, is a very good golfer. Besides being a good golfer, Shane is also an extremely gifted smack-talker. During our beer-fueled exchange, he conceded 18 strokes to me. The bet was for bad mustaches; full, cookie dusting, seventies porn ‘staches to be held for two weeks. He already boasted a full goatee and I can grow a beard in two days, so the bet seemed fair. As it turned out, maybe it wasn’t. I beat him heads up, by one stroke. These words will no doubt burn his eyes, but they are true. Following our match, we headed home and he shaved. It may go down as one of the finest victories of my life and I could not help but smile every single time I looked at him throughout the weekend. 
On Saturday, the gang played more cards and some horseshoes, ate nearly ten pounds of bacon, sat on the boat in the sun and consumed countless beers. In the evening, we had a poker tournament. Again, I am an average to way-below average poker player. I don’t really enjoy the game that much, but I’ll play if everyone else is. So I did. Amongst a litter of big talking, self-proclaimed poker “pros”, I won the tournament. There was much chagrin and a feeling that something was wrong with the world and a collective sense of “I got screwed” felt by everyone, except me, for a pleasant change.
Sunday, we woke to bloodshot eyes, more bacon and few beers as most of the boys were heading home. I reveled in my unprecedented good fortune and took a well-earned nap on the lawn in the shade. I was staying a couple more days. My kids were coming with Dan’s wife. They arrived in the evening and I hugged them a little more deeply. I took them swimming and made them food they actually wanted to eat. I had missed them. While I enjoyed the boy’s weekend decadence, it was an event, not a lifestyle for me. I have the lifestyle I want. I like taking my kids to soccer practice. I like waking them up and tucking them in. I like creating the experiences that are shaping them into what they will be and recognizing that they will be what they will independent of my efforts.
A self-indulgent, gluttonous weekend provided some contrast to my existing life and shone a light on the shaded areas that are sometimes overlooked as the grass over the fence starts to look pretty green. I am happy to say that I live in green pasture already and don’t need to do too much fence hopping, though I must also say that I do look forward to seeing Shane’s bad ‘stache in two weeks. It was a win for the ages.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
Dear Editor –
There seems to be a lot of confusion about Proposition One that our local fire district, South King Fire & Rescue, has put on the upcoming Primary election on August 17, 2010. Unlike cities and counties, junior (which SKFR is one) taxing district’s sole source of income comes from property values in the fire district. With the economy in a major slump the last couple of years, it has increasing had to look at ways to cut back and balance its budget without cutting back on services.
The District Commissioners decided two years ago to establish a “contingency ” fund knowing that the economy was on a downward cycle and they would need to protect the district as best as they could under the circumstances. This fund will not last past 2011 and without a way to stabilize revenues, service levels may have to be curtailed or reduced. SKFR is one of only three fire districts in the state to have a Class 2 insurance rating (Seattle and Bellevue are the others) there are NO ones. The Prop One measure on the ballot is to help the district maintain this high level of service.
There has been a lot of rhetoric flying around recently about our taxes going up by a whopping 60%. These people are simply confused about this different form of taxing property. Proposition One allows our district to stabilize its revenues for the next 6 years by instituting a Benefit Charge. Normal taxes are levied at $1.50 per $1,000 of property value. Under a Benefit Charge, the $1.50 is rolled back to a $1.00 and the remainder amount is calculated on the square footage of the property structures. The Board of Commissioners will set this rate every year in an open public process depending how much is needed to stabilize revenues and allow the district to maintain the high level of services the public has come to rely on.
Many other Washington State fire districts long have used this form of taxing properties without overly burdening its citizens unfairly.
I hope voters get involved in the election process and vote for Proposition One. By voting yes we are voting to maintain fast response times to fire and Emergency Medical Services responses so important to our community. As a side note, EMS now counts for over 80% of the calls for service in the district.
– Wayne Corey
Publisher
www.publicsafe.org
[EDITOR'S NOTE: Have something you'd like to say? Then email us your "Letter to the Editor" by clicking here. Be sure to include your real name and a way to contact you, and, pending our review, we'll most likely post it. Otherwise, feel free to leave a Comment below...]
To have old friends, one must BE old. Well, I am and so are they. It is with no small sense of perverse pleasure that I endure the passing of time in my life with the compromised collection of individuals whom qualify as my old friends. Though my wife may, on occasion, raise an eyebrow about how, exactly, I could “qualify” some of these clowns, they are my friends and my qualifying standards are complex and intricate, but also as simple as the tick of a clock. We just ARE. With smiles and tears, we have shared each other’s milestones and missteps. We have held witness to birth and death and joy and ache. It is only through our oldest friends that we can truly hold the mirror up to our own lives and understand that little was in vain. We have tried and failed and sometimes succeeded. Life has changed us in many ways, but not all ways. With our oldest friends, we are our youngest selves. We return to glory years and the un-glorious, adventuresome roads that youth and bad ideas, and usually beer, have driven us. These are my favorite roads to travel.
This week an old buddy, JK, is visiting with his family. They live in New York and return home rarely. I haven’t seen him in a couple of years, but it could have been yesterday. Time has no impact on old friendships. You can pick up where you left off. The stories don’t change. A couple of pounds or some gray hairs, here and there, are the only tells that a day has passed since the last visit. This state of stasis provides a safe harbor for our good thoughts. This is the comfort zone where life is its best.
Another buddy, DK, is turning 40 next week. Our history is littered with bad ideas and more silent, gasping, head-shaking belly laughs than is probably healthy. We know all the best and worst of each other. Tales exist that, out of mutual self-preservation, shall never be spoken of. We have lived our time on earth together. We now have wives and kids and obligations, but by some peculiar celestial intervention we always know when we “need to grab a beer”. Life in these moments becomes uncomplicated. It is stripped down to what matters. There is no pretense or posturing or agendas. There is only honesty and understanding and a sense that we are in this thing together. We are bound by a collective appreciation of our shared lives.
Someone once said that, “A good friend will bail you out of jail. Your best friend is sitting in the cell next to you saying, “Maaannn, that was awesome!!” I am very fortunate to have lots of best friends and feel eternally grateful to have shared experiences with all of them. From the back roads to the beaches to the rivers and mountains, the richness and beauty of life’s circus is richer and more beautiful because of my old friends and as the pages turn and years pass, I relive in story our countless adventures and explorations. This vast catalog of bad decisions and “WTF” moments will make me smile until I die. These are the stories of my life. It said that these memories are what will sustain us on our death beds. If this is so, then I am in pretty good shape, because, boy, I’ve got some doosies!!!
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
The philosophy of Des Moines Legacy Foundation is that “Des Moines is a community rich in parks & recreation stewardship and history dating back to the early 1900’s when citizens donated land for baseball fields (now Des Moines Field House Park). Donations such as land, play equipment, senior center equipment, computers, park maintenance support, plants and trees, athletic equipment, picnic tables, and benches, volunteer labor, and cash have all been integral to improving our quality of life here in Des Moines. The Des Moines Legacy Foundation is committed to preserving this tradition and expanding youth, adult, and senior parks & recreation opportunities and facilities throughout our community.”
This philosophy paired with the generosity of the people who attend Legacy Foundation events, purchase note cards & calendars and who bequeath gifts make for a “win-win” for the Des Moines community.
The foundation has recently created an endowment fund after a substantial gift was received from Phyllis Ann Moore. Phyllis taught at Maywood Elementary School from the day it opened until the day it closed. In her 35 year teaching career, she was passionate about making an impact on her students and her church. Upon her passing, she made one last investment in Des Moines youth by providing a significant endowment specifically to benefit children in our community. This gift will help hundreds of kids in our community.
Proceeds from the annual Bayside Brunch and Auction, held at Anthony’s HomePort each November, is the funding source for the latest gift from this group. Seniors participating at the Des Moines Senior Activity Center were very excited to receive their 14 passenger shuttle donated by Des Moines Legacy Foundation. It is a gently used vehicle purchased for $26,913.11. This shuttle will make transporting seniors to area outings and adventures much safer, efficient, and comfortable.
The Des Moines Legacy Foundation is please to invite you to view their newly redesigned web site to learn more. They are always looking for volunteers to help with organizing events. Visit it at www.desmoineslegacy.org
Bus photo by Brenda Anders, Phyllis Moore photo provided by her family
Highline Community College has been recognized by The Chronicle of Higher Education, a top news source about colleges and universities, as one of the “Great Colleges to Work For” in their recent survey of colleges and universities nation-wide.
The survey was conducted at 277 colleges and universities and involved more than 42,000 employees. The survey results are based on a two-part assessment process: an institutional audit that captured demographics and workplace policies from each institution, and a survey administered to faculty, administrators and professional support staff.
Highline was recognized in five categories, including:
- Professional/Career-Development Programs
- Teaching Environment
- Job Satisfaction and Support
- Work/Life Balance
- Confidence in Senior Leadership
Highline is also one of the 39 institutions selected for The Chronicle’s Honor Roll, an honor that recognizes the top colleges and universities in their size categories – small, medium and large. Highline won in the medium-sized category.
While in El Paso earlier this year, I was working with my buddy, Brad, who, on one of many fairly mundane days, found something to get excited about. He was inspecting a roof and discovered a rubber snake. Brad is a pretty easy-going fifty-something kid and as he climbed into our truck I could sense his excitement. “Check it out”, he said, with a slightly devilish smile on his face, as he produced the nice-sized green and black rubber snake. I was interested by his find, but not overwhelmed, until he told me his plan.
“I’m gonna hide it under a towel on Larry’s bathroom floor.” He smiled and might have giggled a little bit. I laughed at the thought of our pal, Larry, moving his towel and shaking in start at the snake. I still smile when thinking about it. Brad’s stock is always pretty high in my book, but it experienced a little jump that day as we laughed like a couple of twelve year olds at the beautiful potential of this shabby little rubber snake.
A couple of nights ago, my daughter was getting ready for bed with all the usually hubbub: pajamas on, teeth brushing, me yelling, potty, hugs and goodnight wishes. I noticed a strange nuance to her behavior. She was a little too happy. She usually mopes and complains and stalls, but this night she was more or less on task and had a peculiar way about her. I sensed something different, but couldn’t identify what it was. After she was in bed with a smile on her face, I retired to the living room to do whatever I do before I go to bed. A couple of hours later, I go through my routine, and get ready to hop in bed. While climbing into my bed, I notice, perched as a trophy right next to my pillow was a marvelous chunk of fake dog poop, very realistic. My sweet, clean, pure little six year old daughter had placed this fake turd and had snickered herself to sleep thinking about how funny it was to “get” dear old dad. I felt at the moment a profound joy. I know how good it feels to “surprise” someone and I was relieved to realize that this simple little joy would not be lost on her. Her vehicle may not have been my first choice, however I’ve learned to take what I can get. Her brother, on the other hand, I would expect no less from him. Understanding how to have fun and how to make fun is a valuable lesson and I am glad that she is developing a sense of “humor”, such as it is.
A sense of humor is a marvelous thing. It certainly takes many shapes, but is important to any joy I have encountered in this life. Laughter truly is the best medicine. It keeps life in its proper place. It reminds us that though struggles exist and daily battles are waged, a smiling peace rests nearby in the unfortunate minds of fifty year old adolescents and sweet six year old little girls. It is everywhere and makes life the grand adventure it is. Having quality people providing life’s comic relief is necessary and wonderful. We all know them and they are the best things I can think of to have.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
by This weekend, some rude dude named “DEX” dumped a plastic bag containing two large books I didn’t ask for on my front walkway.
That’s right – the new white and yellow pages arrived on my doorstep totally unsolicited on Saturday (July 17). This surprised me, because as I recall, I actually opted out of receiving any more of them last year, since they’re about as useful to me as um, say, the printed version of The Seattle Times.
As you may have guessed, unlike Prince, we’re very bullish on the internet. We get at least 80% of our daily news from it, both on our laptop and iPhone (the other 20% is usually from NPR radio on KUOW). We look things up using Google (sometimes Bing just to try it out), and we have grown tiresome of printed phone books full of ads (even a refrigerator magnet for a plumber is glued to the cover!), as well as the primitive, thumb-staining search technique of having to scan through dozens of listings and ads to find what we’re looking for.
A bag of unsolicited phone books sit near another relic of the dying printed world, a newspaper box.
Like newspapers or bound encyclopedias, the obsolescence of phone books is inevitable in this new internet age. But considering that in the US alone, 97% of this $14 billion industry is earned from printed product alone, it’s obvious why these mammoth media dinosaurs want to try and hold on for as long as possible.
Hello? Is there any way that print can duplicate searching online and getting the results you need right away?
The answer is a resounding NO.
What’s worse, I went through this exercise last year and took the time to opt out of receiving these books, which are headed straight to the recycling bin as soon I can pry the fridge magnet ad off the cover and toss it in the garbage (eees nice DEX – not only did you deliver these unsolicited and against my wishes, now you’re making me create more landfill with your damned magnet ad, which is NOT recyclable!).
Receiving these hulking phone books seems to me to be a huge waste of resources – not only the paper (which, I will admit, appears to be printed on mostly recycled paper), but also the distribution costs, fuel, plastic bags (which they claim are made of “45% post-consumer recycled content,” which means that 55% is NOT recycled), not to mention the frustration of customers like me who ALREADY OPTED OUT LAST YEAR.
That’s why I’m tossing out the following idea (pun intended), free of charge, to councilmembers for the City of Burien:
Ban all unsolicited phone book deliveries in the city of Burien.
To opt out, you have to fill out a form and choose "0." But, based on our experience, just don't expect anything to happen.
If someone wants one, make it so they have to call the distributor to get it. But please, stop letting these wasteful folks dump their unsolicited, unusable litter on my property.
And isn’t there a fine for this kind of littering?
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to go back to opting out of receiving these wasteful piles of dinosaur dung AGAIN – you can do the same here:
- Go to http://selectyourdex.dexknows.com/SelectYourDex/searchByZipCodeAction.do and enter your zip code.
- Select “Proceed to Select Your Dex.”
- Enter your name and address.
- Select “0″ next to each directory you wish not to receive.
- Press “Submit” and you are allegedly done.
- Bookmark this page so when you get another delivery next year, you can try again.
Another option is to dial 1-877-243-8339 to opt-out from DEX (and have the chance to yell at a human operator).
Call 1-800-929-3556 to opt-out of receiving Yellow Book directories.
To opt-out of the Verizon phone book, dial 1-800-555-4833.
Today was a good day. I knew it would be. Some days you just know. Some days you know are going to suck. Some days could go either way. And some days are just good ones. This morning the sun was out and the breeze was cool, but warming. My dog wore a smile and my kids weren’t fighting. My spirit was high and my soul was aligned with its proper place. This was a day of much to do, but also much possibility. Work would handle itself, but the variable of how to best spend the free moments was a deep consideration.
Much of my joy these days involves a peripheral sliver of my kid’s fun. Their joy is mine, some of it, sometimes. I made omelets with my six-year old daughter. She likes omelets. Eggs, cheese and sausage are her favorites. I kick in a little tomato and avocado for myself. My crazy-haired son ate cereal on the couch in his underwear, shrouded in his favorite blanket while watching his favorite cartoon, some weird Asian space show that I don’t get. Nonetheless, the morning was virtually conflict-free, a true oddity in my home.
Next, we went to my wife’s office where I have a little landscaping project shaping up. I am removing and resetting the paver entry path. It is the perfect sized project for me. I tend to suffer from some type of adult ADHD when it comes to projects. I tire of them quickly and they become onerous and un-fun for me. This was a two-dayer, perfect. I had my son removing stones and my daughter cleaning them with the garden hose. In another unheard-of development, my daughter did not “accidentally” spray my son with the hose. Here, we avoided an epic screaming match and potentially some serious pick-axe threats on my daughter’s life by my son. It was smooth and everyone seemed to enjoy their contributions. This, too, is exceptionally rare. My kids were content and peaceful in their efforts.
Later, we had lunch, which included ice cream cones. Nobody, in their over-eagerness, licked too hard and had the scoop drop on the floor. This is, again, pretty uncommon. My kids like ice cream and dive into a waffle cone without regard. They understand the consequences of this, but they don’t care. They don’t care if the ice cream falls on the floor. They will pick it up or, more likely, my wife or myself, will pick it up, shave the dirt off with a napkin and set it back on the cone, always within the “five-second rule” window, of course.
In the evening, I invited a couple of buddies and their families over to barbeque. I love barbeques. I love standing at the grill with a beer in my hand and smoke in my eyes hiding my tears of joy at how good my chicken and sausages smell. In the background, through the delicious meat sizzle, I hear my kids playing with my best friend’s kids. They are going to be life-long best friends, too. My wife makes a salad with friends, smiling the entire time. I hear a couple of other old buddies smack-talking during a cribbage game. This false conflict is a ritual that I have both witnessed and participated in for nearly thirty years and a cribbage game between old friends would be less without it. My buddy, Dan, takes alternating turns spraying the hose at the swing set slide creating a redneck waterslide for the kids and spraying, my dog, Diego, in the face. This is Diego’s favorite thing in the world. It is a bizarre fetish, but it is his. The kids cannot get back in line quick enough for another run down the slide.
As I look around and see all that I love standing in my yard or sitting at my picnic table, I am, very simply, happy. The sense of peace and joy and my contented arrival at the place that matters defies words or I am incapable of expressing them clearly enough to define all of the nuance and implication that this moment deserves. The depth of sentiment is deeper than my mind can dig for explanation. This being the case, I will simply call it, the truth. It was a good day, indeed.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
Lately, it seems that all our fun is being ripped from our hands.
As a kid growing up here in the area, summers were great. And one of the things that I remember the most is camping at Salt Water State Park. Well, what happened?
Without any warning, the camping spots have all been removed. There will be no more camping at the park. Whaaaatt?? This was the last campground in the entire Seattle area, that was still “in town” and now its gone. What happened? I asked the park ranger, and he said talk to you local rep! Now, it seems that they have been doing quite a lot of construction down there, I dont know what for, there is never any signs posting what is going on down there.
A few weeks ago, I see that they have installed a booth at the entrance to the park.
Are they going to start charging us to use the park now? What’s next, are they going to take the entire marina away from us too… Oh wait, they already did that.
What’s next? Where is all the money going, and why do they keep closing down things that bring in money, like the campgrounds, boat lift, marina… Are they still planning on spending millions on that stupid dragon on the jetty?
I am just frustrated with the fact that there are getting to be less and less things to do with the family. Even going to the park (Saltwater)now is going to cost us money.
And what are they planning to do with the marina down there? Anyone know?
- Josh
Des Moines
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By
Mayor Bob Sheckler will return to China late this summer – invitation in hand – for the 1st World Emerging Industries Summit 2010.
Sheckler, who said his invitation is “quite an honor,” hopes to interest investors there “in any type of development that would complement the city, either on the highway or downtown.
“This has to be a two-way street. We can’t just take and not give,” he added. “They are looking for good opportunities for investments in Des Moines that will give them a good return for their dollar. Their interest is in profitable investments.
“I look forward to the exchanges I will have with my hosts, and to reporting back to our city when I return.”
Sheckler said Chinese investors like the Des Moines area because they can’t get its views of Puget Sound anywhere else “without paying premium dollars for them. And the marina is a huge attraction to them.
The proposed site north of 216th Street for the Des Moines Creek Business Park
“We’re squared away to bring in investments on Pacific Highway and to downtown now that the water issue is taken care of – and to Des Moines Creek Business Park,” he continued.
Sheckler was invited as the result of personal contacts he made with government leaders and business investors during his China trip last year.
He went there in November to build foundations for a sister-city relationship with Changle and an exchange program between Chinese community college students and Highline Community College.
But Sheckler came home with a lot more – an agreement for a multi-million-dollar hotel in Des Moines in addition to those relationships.
In addition to the hotel, with more than 300 rooms, this development – at the old state vehicle emissions testing site along Pacific Highway S. north of Kent-Des Moines Road – will feature a four- or five-star Chinese restaurant and, possibly, retail space.
“It will be a true Chinese restaurant,” Sheckler noted. “Not a Chinese-American restaurant.”
The project is currently in the planning and design stage. Groundbreaking for construction is expected sometime next spring, perhaps sooner.
Matt Chan of Normandy Park, who is planning the multi-phase Waterview Crossing development on Pacific Ridge, accompanied Sheckler on his China trip last year and introduced him to business investors there.
Sponsored by the Chinese government, the Aug. 31-Sept. 3 summit – “New Industrial Revolution & Green Economy” – will include business talks on investment and cooperation, information and technology exchanges, and promotion of international economic cooperation in emerging industries.
Mayor Bob Sheckler during his previous visit to China in 2009
International political leaders, ministers and elected representatives of federal, state and provincial, and local governments, leaders of Fortune 500 companies and other industry-leading companies, representatives from industry and related international organizations, and top economists have been invited.
The invitation came from Wang Rulin, governor, Jilin Province of China, Dominique de Villepin, global chairman of the Asia-Pacific CEO Association Worldwide, and Zheng Xiongwei, global executive chairman of the association.
“As Des Moines continues to reach across the Pacific to Chinese investors who are interested in the potential for them in Des Moines,” Sheckler declared, “I feel confident that the majority of city council members will embrace these opportunities for future economic development.”
Well, summer has finally arrived and as I formulate the various ways to create a fun vacation time for my kids, I wonder to myself, “Why?” Those ungrateful dipsticks deserve nothing. I would think, apparently errantly, that with so much at stake my kids would be a little more diligent in their efforts to impress. Much like around Christmastime when their rooms remain relatively clean and their shoes don’t sit in the middle of the living room floor for days. But such is not the case. My kids will shamelessly ignore, dismiss, and/or flat-out betray my pleas for help.
Help me clean the house. Help me pick up their stuff. Help me feed the dog. Help me mow the lawn. Anything at all…just help. I don’t require much, but these lazy stiffs are wily and quite creative when it comes to avoiding work. They work harder at avoiding work than the actual work would require. They make excuses and busy themselves, dutifully, doing anything but what I request of them. They are geniuses of distraction and disguise. They mask their blatant disregard of my requests with false concern and falser promises. “I will…right after…fill in the blank” is my favorite. I bite like a hungry carp every time. I trust them. This is my fault. They are liars and I should know this by now. They play me like a dime store kazoo.
I probably shouldn’t blame them as I am the parent and, supposedly, should know better. So their behavior is not entirely on them and perhaps would not bother me so much if they didn’t want so much. They are completely without compunction when asking me for stuff, even after I have begged them to do something that they, once again, did not do. I am a great believer in the barter system. Some reciprocal back-scratching is nice once in a while. Again, such is not the case, my kids only want their backs scratched, often, and with the correct touch too, not too hard, not too soft. They are takers. They take and don’t give. Something is very wrong with this system. It is broken and I don’t know how to fix it. I yell and threaten and take stuff away. They are immovable. They are stronger than I am. This is just the way it is.
So, today, I will take them on the boat. I will run through the sprinkler. I will make what they want for dinner. I will play games with them that I don’t like to play. I will let them watch their shows on TV. And I will enjoy it, because it is summer time and even a couple of ungrateful twerps cannot put me in a bad mood. They are made their way and I am made mine. Summer is my season. A little sunshine and heat heals all that is broken in me. I am tan and tolerant. I will give what I have to allow my perfectly flawed kids a glimpse into life’s summertime potluck of fun and I will not hold any grudges…lucky for those eggheads.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
I got flipped off by an old man the other day. I was driving down 7th Avenue and stopped at a crosswalk to allow a woman to cross the street. The lady was standing at the crosswalk and was looking around a little confused, but to me, still seemed to be intending to cross the street. Apparently, she was just confused and stepped back and did not cross. The old man behind me in a small silver car honked at me as I was waiting for the woman to see me stopped and cross the street. I stuck my arm out the window and pointed to the lady, with my left index finger, indicating to the old man why I was stopped in the middle of the road. At this point, his raised a meaty middle finger and shot me the bird through his windshield. I, instinctively, returned fire and had a brief flash of road rage that included an image of grabbing this geezer by the neck, forcibly removing his false teeth from his mouth and chucking them into the fresh beauty bark neatly spread in the planters on the side of the road. This image passed very quickly and I then just smiled and drove on.
I am never the sharpest guy in any room. I am, however, considerate. I was right to stop for the cross-walker and the grouch was wrong to honk while I waited. This was fact and served to release me from any onus of responsibility for receiving the bird. I was good, baby!
I have been flipped off plenty of times over the years. It is always a little troubling, sometimes warranted, sometimes not, but rarely any big deal. It was not a big deal this day and more than anything highlighted for me a sense of evolution that I may have attained. I had a good day following a middle finger by a grumpy old man. In the past, I may have lingered over the gesture. Having someone deliberately and quite personally attack one with a finger does not feel too nice. It has the power to create some negativity that can dwell for some time. It seems that, at least on this day, that power no longer had impact on me. I was unaffected, with the exception of the aforementioned, very brief, denture throwing fantasy. 
I soon had to make a left turn and as the angry man passed on my right, I waved (with all fingers) and grinned at him, while shaking my head. He stared straight ahead and did not acknowledge my gesture. My day moved on without incident.
I rode bikes with my son to the marina. We bought ice cream drumsticks at ABC Grocery, chatted up, Yoon, the owner, and rented a movie. I played “Sorry” with my daughter who, once again, delivered a handy beat-down (or two). I barbequed hamburgers while standing bare-footed in my lawn. I had a cold beer with my neighbor at the fence which separates our yards. I went to bed early with a good book and a contented mind. I opened my bedroom window and enjoyed the cool sea breeze blowing through. It was a day of days, a dream day. It could not have been a better day. A better day has not been invented and even a fat, hairless old finger shining in my rear view mirror could not disturb it.
Any evolution I have achieved through the years has been slow and painful, though at age 41, it feels pretty good to understand that good days are available everyday and that the power to manifest them is mine alone and even a crusty, quick-fingered old fart cannot shake my tree. This is a good thing to know and I will continue to stop at crosswalks, every time.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
The other night I took the garbage out. This was not as remarkable as my wife may find it. I take the garbage out as often as necessary. Sometimes volume and sometimes smell will inspire my trip outside to the can. This night it was a combination of both. The nine o’clock sun was setting and the sky was cloudy, blue and red. It was nice. Somehow weaving its way through the stench of my trash was the smell of the sea. It must have been low tide, as I could smell the briny water and heated sand and mud and the creatures that dwell in both.
This is my favorite smell. It is the smell of my life. It is the smell of my youth and my life today. It reminds me of standing in line for the Scrambler at the Waterland Festival as a kid. It reminds me of early morning and late evening water-ski trips in high school to the sand pits hoping for some flat water. It reminds me of fishing and crabbing and sitting in guest moorage drinking beer in the sun. It reminds me of dog walks and family walks and squiding off the pier. It reminds me crisp autumn mornings mowing Beach Park and warm summer afternoons looking for spider crabs and perch along the pilings when they both excited me more than they do now.
This smell and this sea is my home. It is where my Dad’s ashes lie and where mine will go when the time comes. Today, my sea serves to make taking the trash out something more. Like nothing else, it has the power to give my life perspective. As I get bogged down by life’s have-to-do’s and running-lates, the late spring smell of my sea in the evening brings my life back in order. It is easy to get mired in unimportant things. As human animals, we struggle and chase and want. We spend an unseemly amount of time running, with tunnel vision, towards a future of more running. Sitting still, smelling, listening and feeling that life is pretty good, right here, right now, is necessary for both the peace and state of mind that make life truly wonderful.
It’s a little odd to me that a fairly routine trip to the garbage can inspire thoughts like these, but maybe the thoughts needed to be found and perhaps any vehicle would do. Either way, I’ll take them when they come and I appreciate them as old friends. I have a lot of great, old friends, but these thoughts and the smell of my sea are some of the best. As my wife will testify, I am not exceptionally fussy about my choice in friends. But as I have come to learn, a man can never have too many friends and I’ll take all that I can get.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
At four o’clock this morning, I rose and did not shine and drove my wife and our two kids to the airport. They are traveling to upstate New York to visit her folks and family. I returned to my home and slumber. I woke up a couple of hours later to an empty house. Actually, the dogs were here, but since I am a marginally neglectful dog owner, they don’t imposition me too much.
My kids are a different story. They are, definitively, impositions, cute, fun ones that I love more than any words could express, but impositions nonetheless. It was very strange this morning, not having to fix breakfasts, bedsides my own, (leftover Mexican food and some jerky). I did not have to make any lunches or find socks for my daughter or tell my son to get out of the shower. I did not have to watch cartoons or make sure homework was complete and packed in the appropriate bag. I did not have to race to any schools to keep my kids from yet another tardy.
My schedule is my own and that is, sometimes, dangerous. Left entirely to my own devices, I am a wildcard. The angel and devil on opposing shoulders wage a noisy battle for my attention. I have much that needs to be done. I have responsibilities and duties and obligations. I also have an incredible capacity for procrastination and since “free” days are so rare for me, it would seem a shame not to let the devil drive a little bit. Finding some balance will be my goal and perhaps a daunting challenge.
Fortunately, some of my schedule is already booked. I have a meeting and I promised to help out a neighbor with some yard work. These should help tip the scales and keep me out of trouble for a while. If I play my cards right and diligently perform my tasks with clean intentions and a clear mind, I could actually stockpile a few good credits to be used later as an offset for any of my bad ideas. I think this is a good plan. I think can do just enough work to keep me guilt free. We’ll see how it goes.
The quietness of the house is already getting to me. These things I complain about and some days pray to escape from, I miss. I liken it to a newly released prisoner missing the guards that kept him locked up or perhaps the “Stockholm” syndrome in which a captive develops strong feelings for his/her captors. While am excited, on many levels, about my liberation, I am also going to miss my captors.
I will schedule a tee time for a rare non-wife-negotiated golf game with buddies. That might help with my pain. I will call some buddies and plan on meeting to watch some World Cup games this weekend. This might be another step towards feeling better. Maybe, I’ll see who’s free Saturday night for some shuffleboard and a few beers. I think it’s working. I am starting to get relief. Perhaps, I’ll plan on a Sunday morning breakfast with lots of bacon and zero extra napkins dedicated to wiping up “somebody’s” spilled orange juice. Now, we’re talking!!
My family only just left and won’t be gone long, but I miss them already. They are what I care about most and I will be very happy when they get home and life returns to normal. In the meantime, I’d better call about that tee time to help me cope with their absence.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
“Look within, Listen, Be Nice” and “Never pet a burning dog” are my two all-time favorite pieces of bathroom graffiti. These words were written right next to each other on the wall to the left of the urinal trough in the best college bar in the history of college bars, The Coug. I read them many, many times. I was always struck by the absurdity of their connection. The duality in their relationship is not unlike many other things in life. Life is filled with light and dark, hard and soft, good and bad. They exist together. They share the same space on bathroom walls and perhaps truly need each other to exist at all. Sunny days in Seattle are always more sunny because they follow gray days. This duality must exist for us to have anything of value.
The other night my wife and I were having a very serious discussion. We were talking urgently about the usual un-fun topics of money, plans, bills, the future, the laundry list of things I was doing wrong, etc. While deep in the heat of the intense conversation, I noticed that on my right index finger I was, not consciously, yet quite deliberately, twirling a piece of fake dog poop. I tuned out of the conversation for a moment, hoping my wife wouldn’t notice me playing with a fake turd during our important talk, and pondered how life IS this duality and how sometimes, in our worst moments, we are our best and how humor and joy exist even in the most serious circumstances. I began to feel that, though our conversation about “stuff” was significant, it was not everything. Few things are everything. Family and friends are the only items I can think of, that qualify to me. Yet, a lot of emphasis is placed on things that don’t and won’t ever matter.
Our world is filled with bad stuff happening. We have wars, oil spills, sucky economies, and lots of bad people doing bad things. This is sometimes overwhelming and disheartening. But as I looked out my lighthouse home office window the other morning and glanced into my neighbor’s yard and witnessed him dressed head to toe in his raingear, sitting on his lawnmower cutting his grass in a downpour, I was happy. He had a cup of coffee in his hand and was smiling. At this same time, I noticed his two year old daughter playing nearby with dirt in her mouth and flowers in her hair. She was wearing a pink puffy dress that she swiftly removed before she squatted and peed in her dad’s freshly mown lawn.
It is very easy to get lost in all the bad news that chokes us daily, however, I think that as long as carefree little neighbor girls exist that will stand in the rain and whiz in the yard, we’re gonna be ok. It’s a good neighbor to have.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
My kids hate my music. They hate all of it, across the board, from Buffett to Springsteen, from Bowie to Strait. They hate it all. They are indiscriminate in their disdain. They don’t understand that with each note, the soundtrack of their lives is being written. These songs that drive them to say mean things to me will one day, not a long time from now, remind them of a gentler and simpler era.
I, most fondly, recall from my childhood, sitting at our kitchen table, eating Frankenberry cereal, while my Dad drank his coffee and did crossword puzzles before going to work at the water district. Every morning, KJR was tuned in on the little clock radio and DJ, Gary Lockwood, played the music that created my soundtrack. The Doobie Brothers and the other 70’s stars sang through the single speaker and defined my childhood. The soft, sleepy moments eating sugary cereal sitting with my Dad in the mornings before school are what I remember best. Those moments are relived today whenever an oldie hits the air.
Hearing a favorite song is a mood lifter and day changer. We remember and feel what we felt, then. Life is and has always been, for the most part, GOOD!! Music, like nothing else, transports us to our best memories. It is a time machine or a plane ticket to where we were or where we want to be. 
Music says things we can’t. It is expressive and inspiring and describes thoughts and feelings better than words. Chords strike deeper than words can reach. “Hey, Jazzman, play me a serenade in a deeper blue… than you’re playin’… in your brain…” The Boss reaches the dark, rarely seen, but often felt, fathoms that we all have and need. The deep blue is felt and understood and where the glory, absurdity and beauty of life reside as real and clear and relevant. It is hope.
For these reasons, I battle the “Not agains!!” and “This song sucks!!” and smile at my poor, ignorant kids who don’t get it, but one day will. In a future nearer than they can imagine, they will have their own favorite songs and some of them will be mine. I will proudly gloat, “I thought you didn’t like this song?” They will smile and I will know why. They will feel their life and enjoy it. Songs will remind them of their youth and their brief time sharing it with me. We will be eternally connected by melodies and guitar solos.
One day, when they hear American Pie and the words, “I was a lonely teenage broncin’ buck, with a pink carnation and a pick-up truck…” they will inform their kids that, “This is Grandpa’s favorite line in any song.” They will be right and these words that now make them cringe and wince will sing to them something else. They will be my words and like all things parents pass to their children, they will become theirs, too.
Until then, I will play what I want and suffer the insults and hurled objects. My kids will complain and whine and I won’t care. They cannot, as I could not, conceive of the notion, that Dad actually had a few things right and my Dad WAS right, “Benny and the Jets” is a damn good song. Thanks, Pops.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
“You’re making that little kid mow the lawn?” a passing neighbor inquired in a tone that was more accusation than question. I smiled and replied “No, no, no, I am letting him mow the lawn.” The neighbor looked puzzled, but moved on. There is a fine distinction at my son’s age, eleven, between what is work and what is fun. Using power equipment is fun. I understood this and had generously allowed my son to spend an hour and a half walking behind a mower bigger than he was. I would take a break from playing cribbage and drinking beer on the deck with my buddy to empty the catcher bag for him. It was a rare moment of mutual happiness.
When I was a kid, I was on standing loan to various uncles, friends and grandparents for whatever work they needed help with. I was essentially a type of serf, child labor at its finest or worst. From weeding and mowing to hauling, chopping and stacking wood to de-constructing old buildings, at a young age I learned how to work. I did not always appreciate this. On many occasions, I missed out on a Saturday morning creek fishing trip with my buddies to work for my Grandpa or Uncle John on some “project”.
For a couple of reasons, I rarely complained. One, it really did not matter to anyone, what I thought. Two, I always got do something cool when the work was finished. My rewards came in the form of more work, but the “fun” kind. I usually got to use the chainsaw, rototiller or drive something.
My eyes lit up when my Dad said, “Hey, Corky (my childhood nickname), you want to back the truck up?” Driving the truck or my Grandpa’s old Willys jeep was a prized trophy and I would damn near kill myself pushing logs bigger than me up a steep hill, with the hope that I might be able to sit in the driver’s seat when I was done, carrying me through each painful step. These remain my fondest memories.
In trying to help create the good adults my children will undoubtedly become, I have only my own experience as reference to how it should be done. I try hard NOT to do the things my parents did that I remember with distaste. Sometimes it is easier to define how to do something by understanding how NOT to do it. The “I will not do that’s” exist. For the most part, though, I carry the things that I enjoyed about my youth to my parental table. The joys of working and being included in the man’s club are things that helped shape me in, hopefully, good ways.
I understand my son’s perspective on this, because it was once mine. He likes being involved. He wants to be included, as an equal. For all the tremendous faults of my male role models, they always included me. I was never an outsider or a bother. They hid their true feelings very well. On more than one day, I am sure they questioned bringing me along. I was, no doubt, often in the way and I asked a lot of questions. They were amazingly patient. At least, I remember them as being patient. They probably weren’t, but my selective memory has blocked out most of the times they yelled at me for being a bonehead.
As a parent, I have come to discover, either on my own or through reflection on my childhood, that not helping a child is, sometimes, the right thing to do. Being allowed (or sometimes forced) to try and fail, but then succeed is invaluable. Knowing how to “figure it out,” is a significant quality. Creating a somewhat safe pasture for kids to screw up in lets them gain their own experience. From this grows confidence, and a sense that “they can do it”. This is the legacy left me by my knuckleheaded and kind, Dad, Uncles, and Grandpa, that I am most grateful for; this wonderful sense of belonging, yet independence, and a belief that I can do it.
As parents, we screw up our kids. All parents screw up their kids in ways unknown at the time. Our parents screwed us up and theirs screwed them up. So it has been since the dawn of time. We try not to, but we can only give what we have. We will give them some of our flaws, but we will also give them our goodness.
I will give my son opportunities to mow the lawn, use a weed-whacker and a nail gun. He will learn how to use a shovel and back up the truck. And after three hours of splitting and stacking wood, he will use the chainsaw and feel like a king. I will feel like a king, then, too.
It’s important to feel like a king once in a while.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
Each year, my Rotary club sponsors an essay contest for local middle school students. The kids write their stories and can win a few bucks. I am always amazed at the stories. These kids open veins and bleed their lives onto the page. It is very inspiring and makes me take great hope into the future knowing that kids like these will be leading us. As impressive as the essays are, what really strikes me is the fact that these kids can stand up in front of their school and read their stories. Writing a personal tale in the bedroom at night is one thing. Reading your words in front of an audience of peers is something else entirely! As talented, insightful and well-spoken as these kids are, what most affects me are the balls it takes to stand alone on the stage and bare their souls. These kids will go as far as they want in life. As jaded as I become seeing the punk kids around town being punk kids, I am irrevocably encouraged knowing that kids exist who will stand in front of a crowded gymnasium and read their words.
Last summer, we had a parade in town to celebrate its 50th birthday. My 10-year old son, Aden, was riding his bike, following a drill/dance group in this parade. Every time they would stop to perform. He would stop and scream,
“GO TO!!!! PIERVIEW!!!!! CHIROPRACTIC!!!!”
(Pier View Chiropractic is my wife’s office located in downtown Des Moines.)
The first time I witnessed this, I was a little unnerved. His face was mean and his voice was truly fierce. He was very intense. I was frankly a little scared, and I know I can take him!! Once I got over my fear pangs, a wonderful sense of pride took over. “Dang, the kid’s got balls.” I thought. The streets were lined with hundreds of people and he continued his “marketing” for his mom’s business the entire length of the parade route. His love and support for his mom made him stand on his pedals, tip his head to the sky and yell. He was very unselfconscious about this. It was great. As a parent, you hope your kids are strong and thoughtful, good people. You also hope they remain unburdened by the crippling fears that sometimes inject themselves into lives over time. Our kids teach us many things. However, my son’s lesson to me this day was truly inspiring. “If you care about something, do something about it and don’t worry about what others think.” I have no worries about that kid.
“The follies which a man regrets most in his life are those which he didn’t commit when he had the opportunity.”
~Helen Rowland
You don’t regret the things in life you did. You regret the things you didn’t do when you had the chance. I have made some monumental bad choices, big time boners. I don’t really care too much about them. I have screwed up and moved on. The stuff that sinks deep and really rubs me raw are the opportunities I had, that I passed on, times when I did not DO. This list is not short and has the power to make me feel really bad. That’s why I try not to think about it, except when faced with a rare second chance to make it right. The “doing and “not-doing” comes down, most often, to balls. My biggest regrets involve me somehow, chickening out. My greatest successes have come from me stepping out of the comfort zone and performing, whether the act was successful or not is moot. Having the cojones, potatoes, guts, or just the balls to step up IS the success. Being willing to take a risk is the most powerful attribute a person can have. Brains and heart are important, but I will take balls any day of the week. Countless fantastic ideas and good intentions have dried on the vine, because the guts weren’t there to follow through in spite of the omnipresent fears. The lessons these kids, especially my son, have reminded me of serve as a challenge to do better, be better, and most of all remember from my successes that the balls are there to carry me where ever I wish to go. This is true for all of us. It is a good thing to know.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
“HOWDY!!” My wife screams as she whips open the shower curtain on me. Luckily, I am already in the shower as I wet myself. She laughs deviously and moves on. Her day improved.
Scaring people is funny. While I stand shaking and dripping, I am mad, but not too mad. I probably deserve it. I love scaring people. Nothing else can create the unnatural facial expressions, noises and body movements like a good scare. It is hilarious. Watching America’s Funniest Home Videos, I always laugh the hardest when someone jumps out of the Christmas present box or the “skeleton” grabs at someone on the front porch on Halloween. People freak and I grin.
Scaring is an art and timing is everything. Unsuspecting victims, engaged in some activity which distracts them, are the best. Stealth is vital, but understanding the target is also important. In the mid 90’s, my buddies, Dan and Shane worked in the same commercial construction office. They were friends and had some latitude in how they could behave towards each other, but their “Scare War” was legendary. Tales of a perfectly timed bang on the window as the victim’s back was turned and head was down, obviously deeply focused on some important task, still crack me up. Their battle waged for months. From popping out of a toilet stall and screaming while the other was mid-stream to hiding behind doors to the window bangs, they are all classics. To this day, they both still behave very warily towards each other, no doubt suffering some mild form of PTSD. I love it all.
I scare my neighbor a lot. He is always busy outside. I don’t always intend to scare him, but he is too easy. He gets focused on something and even though I was not planning on scaring him, I do. It is a crime of opportunity. I always make sure the gate is shut and that I have a good head start on any chase that may occur before laying on the horn. “HI, NICK!!” He shakes and swears. He rarely disappoints. He’s very reliable. I appreciate this. He’s also big and I don’t want him to catch me when his blood is boiling. Gratefully, he’s quick to cool. I sometimes bring him a beer as a peace offering or maybe more of a “thank you” gift for the enjoyment he provided me.
While scaring people is fun, one must choose targets wisely. Some people get very upset. My buddy Dan’s wife, Catherine, punches hard. Trust me on this one. She is a little jumpy already and it doesn’t take much to make her jump a little more. Given that she can and will deliver a serious bone bruise, I don’t try to scare her anymore. Though, I have been falsely accused and convicted on a few occasions. She metes out punishment swiftly and violently. One must be careful when dealing with such individuals. In my experience, it is best to avoid them altogether.
As I glance at the clock, I see that it is about time for my son to be walking home from school. It is time for me to take my usual place behind my neighbor’s hedge and wait for him to pass by, then jump out and scream, “HOW WAS YOUR DAY!?!!! He won’t budge and that is unacceptable. I need to find a hiding new spot.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
Last week, I “celebrated” my 41st birthday.
I am rapidly approaching “farts dust” old, though, I may already be there and am just too old to know it. My age is incomprehensibly ancient to my 11-year old son. “Mannn, 41 – that’s OLD!” He says while walking away, shaking his head, trying to imagine someone this old still being able to use the toilet, unassisted. Unbeknownst to him, he’s at the top of my list when the day comes that I need a little extra help. Payback is gonna be sweet.
I stopped caring about my birthdays a while ago. For me, 40 was the only milestone worth noting and even then it was used mainly as a reference point to how much closer I am to death than birth and, truthfully, it is simply easier for me to count by tens. I’m not that strong in math. Since I am likely past the halfway mark of my life, I try not to think about it too much.
Through the years, I have had my fair share of birthday parties. I have whacked piñatas. I have pinned donkey’s tails. I have had cake, ice cream, pizza and shots. I have gone to church. I have danced and I have sung, poorly, on both accounts. I have eaten well. And I have thrown up. One year, I blew the candles out with my nose. My guests focused their appetites on the ice cream. One year, I went fishing with my Grandpa. One year, I went fishing with my buddy, Andy, and wound up on a drunken exodus through several small bergs in Eastern Washington. I have celebrated in different states and different countries. Last year, my wife had a surprise party for me. The party was a month after my birthday. I had long forgotten about my birthday and I was SURPRISED!! (Note: This is genius.)
This year I was back to my standard indifference. I need no reminders of my aging. I am very familiar with it.
As genuinely ambivalent as I was about my birthday, an unexpected vehicle presented several little gifts that were very welcomed and much appreciated: Facebook. I received “Happy Birthday’s” from many different people. I am not a Facebook junkie and generally don’t post my own minutiae. I don’t often reply to other people’s posts and I don’t play any games. But, I’ll tell you, after my birthday, I am a believer! Facebook allows for wonderful “arm’s length” relationships that have no heavy investment, yet feel good. We have all shared the different times in our lives with many different people. It is nice to be connected or reconnected with these people. I have known lots of folks over the years and have liked most of them! But, life is busy and/or moves on. It is a challenge to remain in contact with everyone. Facebook is a nice consolation. The laundry list of people who commented on my birthday included: elementary school friends, middle and high school friends, relatives, college buddies, and old work buddies. All of these people have shared a time in life with me. We are connected in memories and yearbooks. This has value. Visiting the profile of the guy who sat behind you in English class for four years is great. It is nice to see his kids and how he is doing. I wouldn’t call him on the phone, that’s too personal, but I am happy for him and our time spent together. Facebook makes possible a new kind of, slightly voyeuristic, relationship. It shrinks the world and that’s good.
With this in mind, I thank all my friends for their well wishes and wish good things for them and appreciate the electronic sharing of their lives with me. From now on, I will send “Happy Birthdays”, because I know that, no matter how long it’s been since I have actually seen or spoken to some of my “friends”, every one of us likes to hear or read “Happy Birthday” wishes to us. My note will be sincere and filled with genuine hope for a good day. “Happy Birthday” just feels good. No matter how old we are.
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!" Also, you can "friend" Dave on Facebook here.]
What began as a very safe and innocent exploration into how my relatively small-bottomed family consumes a disproportionate amount of toilet paper has morphed into something else entirely. I discovered that once I started writing about “bathroom issues”, I just couldn’t stop! It occurred to me that we all, as human animals, share a great number of these issues and that indeed they may be the only things we ALL truly have in common. The toilet may be our absolute lowest, yet most common, denominator. No person is safe from stomach to rear end induced anxiety, ranging from minor to major. These issues are indiscriminate and collectively feared. As such, they create both empathy and sympathy like few things in life can. A couple of examples will help illustrate this.
Example I: While inspecting a roof in El Paso, Texas a few months ago, I witnessed my buddy and colleague, Larry (name unchanged), duck-walking, quite briskly, the two blocks to our “big, blue friend”, the sani-can at a construction site. I understood and rooted for Larry. With an intent stare and softly moving lips, I may have silently mouthed, “You can make it, L-Train. You can make it.” He made it, but for a time, he went through a rough patch and was forced pretty consistently to duck-walk. He perfected it. In fact, his duck-walk actually became his regular walk! Over time, with the help of some dietary modifications and a lot of encouragement, Larry is walking normally, again. We’re all very proud and happy for him. We all understand this urgency and will always help when we can. It could have and has been, ANY and ALL of us.
Also worth noting, our nickname, the “big, blue friend”, was not just another juvenile wit creation. It was conceived in reverence. There truly is no better friend when the need strikes. We will forsake our mother, children and God himself to find a “friend” when breathing shallows, the forehead begins to bead with sweat and the eyes blur with terror. We seek the comfort and relief our “friends” represent. They always deliver. That can be said for very few things in this world.
Example II: Another buddy and colleague, Mr. X, I will call him for his protection, was not as lucky as Larry. His episode resulted in an unfortunate late night request for new sheets on TWO queen size hotel beds. A bad cheeseburger was blamed. As disturbing as this incident was, it was met with a bunch of, “are you oks?” and, “can I get you anythings?” from a usually pretty jaded and inconsiderate group of fellas. This episode caused genuine concern. Had he chopped his nose off while shaving, we would have called him some names and told him to rub some dirt on it. Under circumstances such as these, though, we felt for him and were genuinely sympathetic. This is a rare and wonderful thing and can only be inspired by our own fear and comprehension of the devastating events that occurred, a true nightmare come to life.
These are not isolated incidents. My own catalog of “uh oh” moments is unsavory and vast. We all have a catalog. Knowing this brings us all a little closer. From the low to the high end of human status, we all share a universal worry. It is the great equalizer and indeed, may exist solely for this reason. I can think of no other good reason. From now on, when faced with an adversary, I will try to see the softer side we share that begins with a sharp cramp, followed closely by a slight gurgle, culminating in terror and desperation. It’s the least I can do.
(A side-note to the Mr. X incident was his three am phone call to house-keeping and his introductory comment, “Send someone you don’t like.” This is and very likely will remain the quote of the year for me. Thanks, Mr. X.)
[EDITOR'S NOTE:"Feel Good Friday" is a regular column written by Des Moines resident Dave Markwell, who extols to all neighbors: "Enjoy where we live. Put your feet on the pavement and truly feel how great it is to live here!"]
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