Our Firsthand Report Of Being In The Parade, Then Hanging Out With The Seafair Pirates

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Story & Photos by Scott Schaefer

We were lucky enough to be accepted into Saturday’s 50th Birthday/Waterland Parade in Des Moines, where we rode on the back of a flatbed tow truck courtesy Airport Towing, and subsequently wore our collective arms (and voices) out waving (and yelling) to what must have been thousands of people.

If you’ve never been in an actual parade, below is a “live blog” you may find interesting (or not) that details what the day was like:

3:44pm: Drove the Waterland Blogmobile (a green Mini Cooper) to the wrong “staging area” – the north lot of Highline Community College, which was virtually empty. Felt like I was in a scene from “The Omega Man,” but couldn’t see Charlton Heston or any zombies anywhere.

3:50pm: Found correct staging area. Parked. Tried to check in, but discovered that the correct paperwork was with the guy from Airport Towing. Started taking photos of everyone getting their floats ready.

3:54pm: It’s really hot on the parking lot asphalt, at least 85 degrees. Santa walks by in full costume (sans hat), holding a cooler. This is starting to get weird.

3:59pm: Realized there was only one Porta-Potty at the location. Now I know what that really long line is for.

4:08pm: Get in line for Porta-Potty. Wait. Squirm. Give up.

4:14pm: Get back in line for Porta-Potty. Wait. Squirm. Squirm again. Cross legs. Give up. Start walking briskly.

4:17pm: After taking a quick “hike” through some bushes, I suddenly feel better.

4:35pm: Changed from long black jeans into shorts in the front seat of the Mini. Note to self: next time get a bigger car.

5:01pm: Airport Towing finally showed up. Moved car and met our Driver, Steve.

5:12pm: Watched as Steve lowered an antique tow truck off the flatbed carefully.

5:14pm: Watched as Steve hooked the Mini up and put it up onto the flatbed.

5:21pm: Two of my co-horts show up (Gina Bourdage & Janet Grella, along with Gina’s Dad) and we get busy decorating our “flatbed float” with cheap fringe stuff from Party City.

5:43pm: Rest of the crew wanders in (Mark and Bart) after having trouble driving to the staging area because of closed-off streets.

5:51pm: With everyone now aboard and the flatbed “decorated,” Steve drove us out of the parking lot and down near the start of the parade at Marine View Drive and S. 242nd. Glad I’m sitting inside the Mini as it’s a bumby road and Gina, Janet and Bart are holding on for dear life in the back.

6:01pm: Moved up to another waiting area at S. 240th & Marine View Drive. Lots of other participants waiting here, including Seafair Clowns and Hi-Yu Princesses. A clean “referee” starts using his material on us.

6:15pm: The parade has apparently started but we’re not moving yet. Two Des Moines cops come up and compliment The Waterland Blog by saying “good job.” I ask for a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card and get no response. Some clowns dressed as cops walk by. Now I’m confused.

6:20pm: We’re actually moving forward now!

6:21pm: Okay, now we’re stopped after moving just 20 feet.

6:33pm: Moving again, slowly now, and I ask a woman holding a bottle of beer if she has any extra. She pauses, then quickly opens a cooler, grabs something in plastic, runs up and hands it me. “Jello shot!” she yells. I take it and everyone laughs.

6:40pm: Arrive at the intersection of Marine View Drive and 8th Ave South, and suddenly there’s a LOT of people. Mark Neuman, riding shotgun, starts yelling silly things are people, like “the parade’s been cancelled…everyone go home now!” We’re all waving, almost full-time now. My arms already hurt.

7:04pm: The parade is over already? We snake up a hill with an even bumpier road, and I’m glad I’m still in the Mini. The gang in back yelps on every bump.

7:18pm: We’re back at the staging area, where we tear down our “float” and say goodbye to our driver, Steve, who did a great job, since everyone is still alive.

7:43pm: Mark, Bart and myself head on over to Butler Bar & Grill, since we know the Seafair Pirates will be “raiding” it around 8pm. The place is jammed and people are streaming in.

7:59pm: No Pirates yet, but whoever thought they’d be early to a “raid”? We scored seats at a table right near the front entrance!

8:07pm: Someone nearby is looking outside at something. I take a peek, and YES, the Pirates are here. Now the fun can begin.

8:10pm: The Pirates finally storm into Butlers, singing a silly and oftentimes inappropriate pirate shanty, like they always do. It’s weird because they’re all around us, so it’s basically a live surround-sound silly shanty. Usually I pay $13 to hear this at a movie theater but tonight it’s free!

8:11pm: The Pirates get their first round of drinks on the house, courtesy Proprietor Mike Colello.

8:14pm: Wow, a second round of drinks is served to these guys, and now they’re passing out personal trading cards! Maybe I should become a Pirate?

8:22pm: I get a trading card from a Pirate I know nicknamed “Diamond Jim.” Nothing about pillaging or plundering – we talk about our kids, who go to the same school. It’s weird talking parenting to a guy in full pirate regalia.

8:33pm: The Pirates are now flirting with every woman inside Butlers, putting stickers in the most logical spot – strategically placed on their shirts of course. Suddenly there are no Pirates to talk with, so I start talking to my trading cards. Nobody notices.

9pm: The Seafair Pirates are given another round of drinks on the house, then sing their final song, in surround-sound again (another $13 saved), then exit.

9:08pm: With no Pirates left, I’m outta here…